Thanks Dad.

Over the years, my wife has picked up all sorts of odds and ends at bargain prices in post-Christmas sales. She stuffs them various places in the house, often losing track of them for years, then pulls them out for housewarming gifts, etc.

This morning, Christmas morning, she produced a collection of 25-or-so round, cardboard Christmas coasters, each with a tree on one side and a conversation-starter question on the other side. One of the questions was, “What’s the most important thing your parents taught you?”

After a moment's reflection, my wife described being taught by her quiet-spoken, hard-working, tender-hearted father that, even though she was a girl, she could do anything in life she wanted to do. That was a breakthrough message in early 50s.

The coaster question reminded me of an old saying: Most of the values parents pass on to their kids are “caught, not taught.” We get told all sorts of things, but are more deeply influenced by the way the people around us live than the way they talk.

Two lessons I learned from my folks come to mind.

One was to be careful — I’m plagued with that one. They never stated it overtly, but I got it, got it bad.

The other was a good one, probably best stated by my dad in a sermon I remember.

Important context: Dad was a Baptist minister in a time when smoking was sophisticated, way before health warnings began to get traction. And for the people of my childhood church, smoking — along with movies, cards, dancing, etc. — were glaring and sinful examples of the big W, worldliness.

So it was edging up on radical when Dad said, “I’d rather have a man who smokes a big black cigar and loves people than someone who acts righteous but doesn’t love people.” They taught me that. In that case I caught something very good.

Of course, I also caught something subversive. That would eventually edge me out of the world where I grew up. But we all have to leave home sometime. If we don’t do that, well, that’s another subject.

I miss my mom and dad today — in the best possible way. Hope you’re having a good “season.”